I have just come to a startling conclusion about myself. I hate being Indian. I would have never thought I would say it, but its true. Not all of the whole "indian" theme: but most of it. I love the fact that the indian mentality includes hardwork, discipline and family values. But I hate the fact that we are so restrictive. We keep believing in the caste system even though it has been outlawed, we keep trying to arrange marriages, and we actually (incredulously) believe we will actually LEARN to love our arranged spouses. Are you serious? From my experience, we do no such thing. We learn to ACCEPT and TOLERATE our arranged spouses for who they are. That is in no way love.

The essence of beauty, love, and free will have been ripped out from the heart of my culture and it is left with no artisitic side.

So shit changes over time. And I miss it. So I tried to recapture my past actions such as jumping off the top of the monkey bars, only to see myself asking the question as to why I ever did it in the first place. I guess thats the beauty of being a child; understanding shit is the least of your worries and you dont have to have a reason to do what you do. But you get older, and these "smart" men and women tell you that you must ask questions as a part of the scientific process. So you start to search for motives behind your actions and begin to believe what you used to do was worthless. But fuck that, cause even though I cant feel it now, when I jumped off those damn monkey bars when I was little, I had the time of my life. I didnt worry about whether I might get hurt or not, didnt really give a shit about why I NEEDED to jump from there; no I just did it cause I thot it was fun. Try having fun while intrepretting NMR spectra now.